Things are not always as they appear. Sometimes we make a quick assumption about the people, circumstances, and situations. We judge them, label them, and put them into one box, not recognizing that there is a much bigger picture. Sometimes we meet someone in a particular state, stage or phase of their life and stereotype them to be a certain way. We shouldn’t be too quick to judge. You never know when you might find yourself walking in someones else shoes. Remember the best apology is a changed our behavior.
One of the most incredible changes we can make in our life, which will have an unquestionably great impact, and make us happier people is to learn to let go of judging.
Well, I am not going to pretend that I don’t ever judge others around me, because we all tend to judge by default. Unfortunately, it’s a human instinct, and I’m not the exception. I have learned very good technique to detect myself and to realize how judging is harmful. Instead of focusing too much on judgment I would first observe that the act of judging causes harm in our society.
So how to stop judging? First and the most important is to bring awareness to the fact that we are judging in a particular situation. Working on our consciousness needs practice, but there are two big signs of judging from looking for in yourself. First is our inner state, sometimes we feel frustrated, angry or disappointed with someone and we start to complain or gossip about someone who (in our opinion) was a cause of our bad feelings.
After we realize ourselves judging, we should pause and take a deep breath to rethink, and ask six questions:
- Why are we judging this person right now and who this person is in our life, how important is he or she?
- What are the expectations of this person?
- Can you discover more about his/her life story?
- Is it possible to put ourselves in this persons’ situation?
- Is there anything to appreciate about this person right now?
- What is the emotional state of this person and what can be going through in his or her life?
Once you’ve answered those questions, try to offer your compassion. Maybe this person needs someone to understand them, and not someone who judges, someone who doesn’t control them. In any case, remind yourself that you are not helpful from the position of judgment. Either you help yourself because judging people is also harmful to ourselves.
Since I rationally understand everything that is above, but very often I forget when the situation heats up a bit, I’ve created my approach to help me stop judging people or situations. All time I am trying proactively to be aware of those moments and remind myself not to judge. Anytime I’m with someone or other social meetings where it can be easy to judge; I go through my mind with the following statements:
- Be kind. Be compassion. Be in a moment. Give compliments to other people. Amplify their strengths, not their defects.
- Work on maintaining love in your heart. The more you see the good in another person, the more good you will reveal in yourself.
- We all are different, and we all have various ways of seeking fulfillment and joyfulness, and just because someone has a different approach, doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
- It’s all right to be disappointed. Being cruel is not correct. While disagreeing with others, try to deal with the present state and situation. Never bring up the past.
- No matter how are you feeling and what happens, be kind to the people around you. Being nice to people is a calm way to live, and a rich legacy to leave behind.
- The most significant people in your life will be the ones who admired you when you were not very adorable. Remember this, and return the same.
- When some people meet, the reward always goes to the one with the awareness and the self-insight. Those people will still be perceived as more confident, kind and calm.
- Listen carefully, be prepared to be amazed because everyone has a good story to tell. Be open and humble. Ask about the story with details. Work on to be a good listener.
- There is a story behind every person. There is a reason why they are telling you that story, not to someone else. Respect them for who they are.
- Treat people the way you would like to be treated by them. Be open to learn another way of thinking, be flexible with your mind.
There are also various effective strategies we can use to improve our judgment:
Quickly recognize biases
Human beings can act rationally. Unfortunately, most of the time our behavior is driven by automatic and emotional motives. Despite, once we get to the bottom of our frustration and are able to explain why we act the way we act. At least we will become more anticipated and consistent next time. The principal issue is to understand in what specific way we are biased. Are we more automatic with our judgment or data-driven? Are we more focused on small, short-term details or bigger picture? Being conscious of our personal biases is the key to overcome them, or just keeping them in check.
Be able to accept mistakes
People with great judgment assume liability for their errors and understand when they have made the wrong decision, and they are willing to take negative feedback.
Try to learn from experiences
The most valuable lesson is what you got when you didn’t get what you wanted. All that is necessary to do is to avoid the same mistake. Indeed, this may seem easier said than done. Once we are aware of your prejudices and accept responsibility for our errors, it is only natural that we don’t go there again. Life is a set of experiences, every moment makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is difficult to realize this. Although, we must learn that the difficulties and suffering which we endure at the end help us to grow. A higher degree of consciousness enables us to outperform individuals who are more rigid and set in their beliefs.
Despite how much effort it takes, we all judge others. Most people go through life constantly learning how to avoid to judge someone, whereas some people don’t even bother themselves to realise it. Life is unpredictable. The damage that judgment causes is something that we should think about and reflect on. When we judge someone, we are defining ourselves. Are we doing something good for them? What do we hope to achieve?
Now it’s your turn. After you’ve read my post, you can add something in comments. I’d love to hear from you!
I have one challenge questions for you today. Choose your favorite way of avoiding judgment from this list and share your answer in the comments. It’s a great way to get practice with these helpful techniques.